Speaking my Truth
11 February 2010
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My moment for more of my truth, more of me to surface presented in an experience I created for myself just a few days ago. As the ripple or better yet the cascading wave that I am flows through my body I am aware that I am Authentic as the unauthentic moments of my past surface and come face to face with me so that I may see yet another aspect I am no longer fearful or resentful of in another.
For some time now I have become aware of information moving in my body in the presence of another. I know it is mine and I am willing to embrace it in the privacy of my ‘composed’ body. Here is where it gets interesting- I kept recreating the same trigger. So on Sunday I asked myself the question as 8 of us gathered- what aspect am I willing to see in myself that I have been unwilling to notice and claim? Bam…I ask and allow for movement and flow, the experience presents. Was it fun? Not really. It was someone who I have great RIG for in my life who became the trigger for lots of information to move in my body. As I look back on the experience the word that comes up now is composure…AHHH how do I choose to live composed and unbound. I create a double bind for myself that created mounting pressure in my body UNTIL I opened my mouth. As I allowed what was inside of me to show up in the outside world I allowed myself to become unbound and FREE. I allowed the threads of unsustaining life in my tapestry to begin to unravel making more room for stronger life sustaining threads. And the beauty is as I opened my mouth I was still able to know it had nothing to do with the other person. I was safe to show up outside and strengthen my internal safety to be my fire.
No finger pointing, no storytelling simply me trusting to share what moved in my body knowing it would create whatever it needs to in another. Trusting and letting go of the outcome. Becoming unwilling to dishonor myself in another person’s presence. Instead of being composed I allowed myself to compose my own life, creating Authentic music as I let go of the outcome of the song.How often have I created an outcome in my intellect and had to bypass my own body, knowing that it would tell me something different. I was choosing to suffocate my own authenticity by choosing composure. The visual I am getting is one of me riding a big beautiful white horse with my hair flowing freely, the reins have been dropped because I truly do not know where I am going next. Once the old beliefs of composed and refined move and flow they become redefined in an Authentic view of the world on the right side because nothing can define my life as I live Authentically in the moment.
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